


Any Old Music

by romanticalgirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl





	Any Old Music

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." Buffy glared over at Willow as they walked into the mall. "I mean, I already have Giles on my back about not training enough, my mother is always complaining that now that I'm in the dorms I don't visit enough, and when I'm actually trying to study, you make me come to the mall."

"Yeah," Willow smirked. "I really had to twist your arm." 

Buffy grinned. "Well, you had to twist a little." 

"I don't think grabbing your hand to help you off the floor qualifies as twisting, Buffy." Willow locked her arm through her friend's and squeezed. "But if it will help you feel less guilty, I'll take the blame." 

"So" Buffy nodded her agreement, ignoring Willow's light slap on her shoulder. "Why are we here again?" 

"I need a dress for the dance. You need a dress for the dance." 

"I'm not going to the dance, Wills." 

"Yes you are." She stopped and stared intently at the Slayer. "You promised me we would do everything we could to try and have a normal college life. And so we're going to the dance." 

"I can't afford a normal college life. You know as well as I do that if I buy a dress, I'm going to end up having to fight some big, bad evil and it's going to get ruined." 

"So we'll buy you something short and skimpy. You'll feel just like normal." Willow pulled away with a huge grin and danced a few steps away. Buffy glared at her again. 

"That was uncalled for." 

Willow nodded. "Yep. Now, come on." 

***

Buffy stepped out of the dressing room wearing a royal blue dress with a sweetheart neckline, spaghetti straps, and a full skirt that fell just short of her knees. "Well?" 

"Wow, you look amazing." 

Buffy looked up from her dress to see Xander standing there, ogling her. "Xander?" 

"Will invited me to come see the finished products. She said she'd be out in a minute." He got out of the chair he was sitting in and held out a hand to her. "May I have this dance, Miss Summers?" 

"Only if you promise to be my date for this crazy thing." 

"Me? On a date with you? Gee Buffy, I don't know if I could live with myself afterwards. I mean, what happens when you fall hopelessly in love with me during the last dance and I have to pry myself out of your arms?" He grinned. "What would happen to our friendship then?" 

"You might want to think what would happen to your body if you don't agree to go with me." She raised an eyebrow and pointed her finger at him. "It's not nice to refuse the Slayer." 

"I'll keep that in mind when you ask me if I'll ravish you." His voice faded as Willow stepped out of the dressing room. Her eyes went over the two of them, barely masking the sudden pain she felt at their closeness. Brushing it aside, she twirled around. 

"What do you think?" 

The cut of the dress was similar to Buffy's, only slightly more modest. The color swirled, seeming gold one moment then rust the next. Xander watched her move; sure his heart was somewhere in his throat, preventing him from swallowing. "I think Wow. What about you, Buffy?" 

"Oz is a very lucky guy." 

Willow and Xander both froze at the statement, guilty memories overtaking them both. Willow finally managed a smile. "I guess that decides it then. Youyou and Xander are going to go together?" 

"I was thinking I might drag the working boy along." 

"Great. We'll be a foursome." Willow blushed profusely, "Well, not in that way, but in the way that there will be four of us, having some fun, but not that kind of fun that foursomes sometimes have." She bit her lower lip and vanished back into her dressing room. 

Buffy shook her head, her laughter threatening to overwhelm her. "I swear, she's always afraid that someone is going to take what she says sexually now." 

"Now?" Xander's voice was quiet, but Buffy didn't seem to hear the pain lacing through it. 

"Yeah. Now that she and Oz have" Realizing what she was about to say and who she was about to say it to, Buffy stopped. "Oh. Um." 

"It's all right. I should have known. I mean, it had to happen sooner or later, right?" He ignored the feelings rising in his chest and managed a weak smile. "I've got to get back to work. Call me with the details of our date, okay?" 

"Aren't you coming by Giles' place tonight?" 

"Gotta work, I'm afraid. Save up to take you out for a night on the town." 

Buffy watched him walk away, mentally kicking herself. Willow was going to kill her. 

"Where's Xander?" Willow carried the dress on a hanger, along with the others she had tried on. "And are you going to wear that home?" 

"He had to go to work." 

"What? He told me he was off all day today." 

Buffy turned to her, her eyes wide. "Oh, Wills. I did a horrible thing. You're going to hate me." 

"I can't hate you, Buffy." 

"I told Xander that you and Oz are sleeping together." 

"Oh." Willow nodded slowly then dropped the gowns and bolted from the store. 

Buffy watched her go, guilt eating her alive. "Shit." 

***

Willow rushed down to the parking garage, knowing he'd have parked where he always did. She saw him just before he reached his car and leapt forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. He fell forward in a panic, struggling to remove whatever demon creature had latched onto him. 

"It's me," she shouted over his struggles. 

"That's what all the demons say. Try to throw you off your guard." He managed to loosen her hands and rolled away from her. "Jesus, Wills. What the hell were you trying to do?" 

She raised herself up on her elbows. "Stop you?" 

"Why?" 

"We need to talk?" 

"I don't want to talk. I have to work tonight and I really have to get home and change." He looked over his clothes and legs, now all covered in dirt and oil. "And shower." 

"I thought you had the day off." 

He got to his feet and reached down to help her up, careful to keep distance between them. "I do. I work tonight. And why does it matter to you when I work? You called, I came. Isn't that how it's supposed to work now?" 

"Why are you so mad at me?" 

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were best friends." 

"We are. But Xanderhow was I supposed to share that with you? I didn't want to hurt you and I was afraid that's exactly what would have happened." 

"Why should it hurt me?" His voice rose in anger. "Just because we finally had a shot and you chose him then slept with him? Why would that hurt?" She started to open her mouth but he raised a hand to stop her. "No. You don't have to bring up Faith, honey. I can do that all by myself." He dug his keys out of his pocket and moved to his car. "Maybe you were right. Maybe some things should stay secret, even between friends." 

"Xander" She stopped as he got in the car, slamming the door in her face. Sighing as he drove off, she picked up her backpack from the ground and sat on the curb. This was supposed to have been a fun day with just her, Buffy and Xander. And instead, he was mad at her. 

"I'm really sorry." 

"It's not your fault." Willow looked up at Buffy. "Really. It would have come out eventually, anyway. Besides, it's not as if he has any right to be angry or upset." 

"Or jealous." 

"He's not jealous. He's justwell, he's jealous, but not because he feels anything. It's all about territory. I was his Willow for forever and now I'm Oz's and he hates that." 

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You think that's all it is? Really?" 

Willow nodded, trying to convince herself. "Yeah." After a long moment of silence, she glanced over at Buffy. "So, we should probably go and buy those dresses, hmmm? Otherwise, we're going to look really stupid at the dance." 

***

"Hey, Buffy." Xander hopped off the stone fence that surrounded the dorm and fell into step with the Slayer. "Sorry about this afternoon." 

"It's okay. I'm sorry that you found outer, that I was the one who told you. I mean" 

"I know. It's okay." He took her key from her hand and unlocked the door for them both. Following her in, he walked, staring at the ground. "It's justwell, I guess I expected it to happen, I just didn't want to think about it too much. She's been my best friend forever and you know how you always believe that no one is good enough?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well, no one is good enough." He shrugged, leaning against the opposite wall as Buffy unlocked the door. "Except he is, you know? And I can't hate him, because I'm positive that it was the best experience ever. But, damn it, it" he stopped, unsure of what to say. 

"It should have been you?" Buffy's voice was quiet. "It was supposed to have been you?" 

"I wanted it to be me." Xander nodded and sank into a chair. "That night, in the factory, I knew that the last thing I was ever going to experience was loving her. I knew that, for some strange reason, in spite of all the horrible things I had ever done, I was going to get one perfect moment. I was going to have Willow all to myself and we were going to belong to each other." 

"And instead you got rescued." 

"Instead we got found out." He buried his head in his hands. "And it all came crumbling down. What's worsewhat's the most painful is that the minute she looked at him, she didn't even consider staying with me. The minute she saw him, I was the furthest thing from her mind." 

"I don't know that that's true, Xander." 

His brown eyes met hers and she flinched at the pain in them. "I do." 

"So" She sat on the arm of his chair, staring at the same wall he was. "What are you going to do?" 

"Nothing I can do. Well, except go to the dance with the most beautiful blonde in town and show her the best of times." He reached over and put his hand on hers, "If it's still an open invitation?" 

Buffy leaned over and kissed the top of his head, just as Willow walked in the door. "It's a date." 

Xander looked up at Buffy and smiled. "I've got to get to work. I'll stop by Giles' on my way home, see if there's any evil I can help vanquish." Lowering his voice, he reached out and brushed a lock of hair away from Buffy's face. "I'll see you later and we'll come up with our grand master plan?" 

"Okay." She spoke softly as well, unsure of why. "Be careful." 

"Always." He turned around and smiled at Willow. "Hey Wills. I'm sorry about this afternoon. I overreacted. I hope it's all right? We're still the bestest of buds?" 

Willow managed a smile as well. "Not a problem. Couldn't be better." Her eyes followed him as he walked out the door. Once it swung shut behind him, she turned to Buffy. "So, what's going on with you two?" 

"Us? Me and Xander?" Buffy asked. "We're going to the dance together." 

"And?" 

"And what?" 

Willow shook her head. "Never mind." She grabbed her book bag from the floor and headed to her room. 

Buffy watched her go, confusion all over her face. "Willow? I thought that was the plan?" 

***

Giles set the pizza down on the table in front of Buffy before sitting down in the chair. "So, what have we found?" 

"Nothing. A big fat zero." She sighed and picked up a slice of pizza. "I mean, not even a casual mention in Who's Who in Sunnydale's Hellmouth history." 

Setting the book he was carrying aside, Giles reached for a slice as well. "And you, Willow?" 

She looked up from the computer. "Nothing here either, I'm afraid. Just lots of no information found." Rolling her neck, Willow stretched. "I'm beginning to think that the person who warned us about this was just sending us on a wild goose chase." 

"Funny you should mention geese," Xander walked into the living room, carrying another pizza. "Since I've quacked the case." 

Everyone rolled their eyes. Giles took the pizza box from him and did the inevitable. "Enlighten us?" 

"This is your answer." Xander slipped a thick gold chain around Buffy's neck, arranging it so that the pendant, a deep, dark blue that swirled like liquid, rested between her breasts. "And a beautiful one at that." 

"My Lord." Giles knelt in front of Buffy and very carefully lifted the pendant. "I never thought I'd see it." He looked up at Xander, awe in his eyes. "Where did you find it?" 

"That's sort of a funny story." Xander walked around the couch and sat next to Buffy, who was taking off the necklace. She handed it to Giles then turned her attention back to Xander. "You see, I was doing my delivery thing and I see this guy, running. At first, I think it's someone with a vamp or something after him, but I'm careful." Seeing everyone's skeptical looks, he narrowed his eyes. "Hey! Give me a little credit?" 

Giles nodded briefly. "Go on." 

"So I pull in front of him and he tosses this over the windshield, into the car. He screams 'Save them! The pendant of Arigilarn will set them free!' Then this bolt of fire, like a mixture between lightning and a flaming arrow, shoots through the sky and he dissolves." 

"Good thing you waxed the car," Buffy threw in. 

"Don't encourage him," Giles warned. 

"I burned rubber getting the hell out of there, but I didn't see any flame throwers following me." He held out his hand for the piece of jewelry. "So, do we know what to do with this?" 

"It is rumored that this is the key to the world of fire. It holds in it's pendant the liquid embrace of the phantom king" Giles refused to hand it to him, staring instead at the swirling liquid inside. 

"Is that like the Phantom Menace?" 

Giles ignored him with a skill borne of too much practice. "He is the stabilizing force between the world of fire and the world of spirit. Hmmm." 

"Is that a good hmmm or a bad hmmm?" Buffy asked. "I mean, a this is a thing to slay hmmm or a have more pizza Buffy hmmm?" She waited for a response. "A Giles is completely ignoring me hmmm or a just a moment Buffy I'm thinking hmmm?" 

Leaning forward, Xander took the pendant away from Giles. "I think it's a don't look into the swirly liquid kind of hmmm. It's sort of mesmerizing. It moves." Willow sat silently as Xander turned back to Buffy, holding the pendant up. "It sort of matches your eyes." 

"Quite." Giles shook his head and turned to Willow. "Perhaps you could look up the pendant for me?" 

She nodded, unsure of her own voice. She'd gotten over this. She'd gotten past it all. She was in love with Oz and if Xander wanted to flirt with Buffy, that was fine. 

Really. 

"Great, thanks Will." Buffy looked away from Xander toward Willow, her eyes dark. "Xander, since you're danger man tonight, you want to come and patrol with me? I promise to save you from fire breathing who-ze-whats-its." 

"Sure." He got off the couch and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. "I'll take you out for a nice stake." 

She brushed past him and grabbed her jacket. "You going to stay here, Wills, or head home?" 

"I'm not sure. I'll call if I leave here, so that if you get home before I do, you'll know." She refused to look at either Buffy or Xander. Something in Buffy's voice was different, deeper. And her eyes never seemed to leave Xander for long. "I wouldn't want to interrupt something" 

"What?" Buffy asked quickly. Not allowing Willow time to answer, Xander pulled Buffy toward the door, calling out their goodnights as he shut it behind them. 

***

"Okay Harris, what the hell is going on?" Buffy planted herself in front of his car, her hands resting on her hips. "What game are we playing?" 

"No game." 

"Xander" 

He sighed and sat on the hood. "I was just thinking that, since we're going to the dance together, it couldn't hurt for us to bechummier." 

"As in shark chum? Did you see the look in Willow's eyes?" 

He grinned. "Yeah." 

"It wasn't a 'I'm so happy my best friends are getting together' sort of look." 

His grin widened. "I know." 

Buffy took a deep breath to keep herself from strangling him. "Xander, Willow was hurt." 

This time, the grin faded. "Buffy, I love Willow. Maybe I didn't notice it when she wanted me to or when it was okay for me to, but I can't change how I feel. She didn't choose Oz because she loves him" 

"How do you know that?" 

"What?" 

"How do you know that? Just because she still has feelings for you? Trust me Xander, it is possible to love more than one person." She sat next to him on the car. "I know you want to believe that she just stayed with him because she felt guilty or that she owed him, but do you really believe that Willow would have slept with him if she didn't love him?" 

"He could have made her" 

"Oz? Force someone? Force Willow? Oz is the most pacifistic guy I know. He's not going to hurt anything he cares about." Reaching over and taking Xander's hand, Buffy continued. "I know it's hard. I know it hurts, but all your doing now is hurting your friendship with her." 

"Why? Why should liking someone else - or even pretending to like someone else be allowed to hurt our friendship? Why should she still be able to have it both ways?" He closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to think about the tears that stung them. "Am I suppose to spend the rest of my life unhappy simply because she decided she wanted the wolf more than me?" 

Buffy felt her own tears forming and pulled him into a hug. She was about to say something when she looked up and saw Willow standing just a few feet away. Her eyes shone with tears and hurt as she turned away quickly and rushed to her car. Grabbing something off the seat, she refused to look in their direction as she hurried back to Giles' apartment. 

"Oh boy." 

Xander pulled back, sniffing. "What?" 

"Well, Willow just saw us hugging." 

"And?" 

Buffy sighed. "I don't imagine it looked as innocent as it was. We've got a lot of explaining to do." 

"Can't wenever mind." 

"Can't we what?" 

"Pretend? Just for a while?" Looking at the ground, Xander felt his breath catch. "It's been a long time since someone liked me." 

"Xander, you know that's not true." 

"I don't know if I can move on, Buffy." 

"I do know it, Xander. But I also know that I'm not the person you should be moving on with." 

"I know that too, I justwe're friends. We should be allowed to hang out and do stuff with just the two of us. It wouldn't be our fault if she accidentally got the wrong idea, would it?" He glanced over at her, his eyes hopeful. "I'm not in love with you Buffy. I haven't been for a long time." 

"So why?" 

He shrugged, unsure of himself. "I need to start moving on. You're a step in the right direction." 

Laughing softly, Buffy slid off the car. "I see. I'm just your stepping stone?" 

"Something like that." Xander slid off as well and fell into step beside her as she started for the cemetery. "More like a safe place to start." 

"I have a lot of reservations about this, Xander. And every single one of them has to do with Willow." 

"She's moved on." He shrugged. "So, will you help me?" 

"I have a bad feeling about this." She sighed heavily. "All right." 

***

Willow parked in her spot and climbed out of the car, exhaustion permeating her body. She glanced around, making sure she was alone and began the short walk to the apartment building. She was about to walk into the building when a familiar voice stopped her. 

"Do you think she's home? Or do you think she's still over at Giles'?" 

"Does it matter? I have my own room." 

Willow tightened her grip on her keys until she could feel the ridges digging into the tender flesh of her palm. Forcing herself to stop squeezing, she slipped the key in the lock and hurried into the building. Rushing up the stairs, she walked into their shared apartment and made her way to her bedroom. Closing her door behind her, she leaned against it, trying to ignore the pain shooting through her. 

Buffy's voice drifted in as she opened the door. "Are you staying or leaving?" 

"My car is at Giles'. Are you going to walk me there?" 

"Xander, I'm tired. Why don't you just stay the night and tomorrow morning we'll go pick up the car?" 

The voice she'd grown up with seemed to fill Willow's room. "What kind of guy do you think I am, Buffy? You think I sleep over on the first date?" 

"You think I think you've ever been asked to?" She giggled to take the sting out of her words. "The couch is pretty comfortable. I just hope Willow doesn't sit on you when she gets home." 

"I forgot to look and see if her car was here." Xander sounded guilty. "Should I go and knock on her bedroom door?" 

"Nah. She's probably asleep if she's home." Buffy's sentence was interrupted by a huge yawn. "At least, if she has any sense she is. Come on in and I'll give you blankets and such." 

"I get to enter the inner sanctum that is Buffy's bedroom?" His voice held over-exaggerated shock. "Wow. I may never leave." 

Willow stepped away from her door, not wanting to hear any more. She looked at herself in the mirror over her dresser. Why was she doing this? Why was she feeling this way? She'd put Xander behind her. He'd put her behind him. There was absolutely no reason that she should feel jealous. There was no logical thought behind why her chest had hurt so much when he'd slipped the pendant around Buffy's neck earlier. There were no grounds for her to want to rip him out of Buffy's embrace when she'd walked outside. 

Because if she really, truly felt that way, it would mean that she was still in love with Xander. And that most definitely wasn't the case. 

She was almost sure of it. 

***

Xander heard the soft sound of a door and closed his eyes a little bit tighter. Maybe he was doing the wrong thing. Maybe he was going about it all the wrong ways, but all he cared about right now was that Willow was tiptoeing across the living room floor and sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch where he was supposedly sleeping. 

He carefully opened one eye, cracking it just so that he could see her outline. She was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. A surge of heat went through Xander as he realized that they were a pair he'd accidentally left at her house when they were younger. 

Her hand shook as she reached out and pressed it against his cheek. He sighed softly, snuggling closer to the cushions, hoping that he was fooling her. It took all his strength not to sit up and spoil the charade when her voice, soft and sad, broke the silence. 

"My life would be so much easier if I could hate you. I have every reason to, you know. You've hurt me more than any other person could, even if they spent a lifetime trying." He could hear the tears in her voice and he wanted to sit up and hold her. But something told him that wouldn't ease her pain. "Why do I give you so much power over me, Alexander Harris? Why do I let you hurt me so?" 

Silence filled the room as she simply stared at him, tears running down her cheeks. When she spoke again, her voice trembled. 

"And now you're moving on. And I shouldn't feel the way I do. Because I don't have the right to ask you not to. It's selfish of me to hope that maybe you cared about me, that maybe it was more than just infatuation when you kissed me. But we never manage it, do we?" She moved her hand from his cheek, tracing his lips with her thumb. "I guess the two of you was inevitable, wasn't it?" 

His heart broke listening to her. He let his eyes close completely, the pain in his chest almost too much to bear. He wanted to shout out that he didn't love Buffy, that he loved her, but he knew, somehow, that she wouldn'tor maybe couldn't believe him. 

"At least I know she deserves you and she'll treat you right. I just wish" She broke off, slipping to her knees beside the couch and moving her head until it was barely an inch from his. He could feel her breath on his lips and he wanted to move the short distance and kiss her again. "I wish you could have loved me, Xander." 

He lay there, frozen as she got up and hurried back to her bedroom. Xander opened his eyes, tears clouding his vision. Her door clicked closed and he sat up, silent sobs shuddering through him. He wanted to get to his feet and follow her, hold her and comfort her, tell her the truth he'd been hiding for so long. Only now he didn't know how. 

He only knew she'd never believe him if he told her. 

***

Xander was sitting on the couch watching cartoons when Willow walked into the living room. "Why no sound?" She asked. 

"Didn't want to wake anyone." He didn't look at her, unsure of how to face her. 

"Oh." She sat down next to him, watching the TV as well. 

Glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, Xander felt his heart stop. She'd changed from the T-shirt and boxers she'd worn the night before into something shimmery and satiny. The top had spaghetti straps and exposed more cleavage than even her doppelganger had, and the bottoms were short shorts that showed more skin than he'd seen in ages. 

"Sleep well?" He managed to squeak. 

She shrugged and Xander actually had to concentrate to swallow. "Okay, I guess." She focused her attention back to the TV, smiling when she recognized the show. "Hey, do you remember" 

He looked at the screen and smiled. "This show was so horrible, the only thing that made it bearable was" 

"Making our own dialogue!" They chorused in unison. 

When Buffy staggered into the main room an hour later, Xander was lying on the floor; his head propped up on his hands. Willow was lying across him, burying her giggles between his shoulder blades. 

Buffy sat on the floor next to them. "You guys okay? I thought you may have died from the laughter." 

Xander looked back at her over his shoulder. He met her eyes over the curve of Willow's behind. 

Seeing the mixture of agonized lust and unrequited love in his eyes, Buffy grinned. "Or something else?" 

Willow turned her head, her giggles finally under control. "Did we wake you?" 

"Nah." She admitted. "I was awake for a while doing homework. Just didn't want to interrupt the best friend bonding session." 

Willow shifted slightly, rubbing her body against Xander's. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "Thanks." She moved her hand and stroked the soft hair at the nape of his neck. "We haven't had too much time to just be friends lately." 

"It was my pleasure to stay away." Looking at the clock, she grimaced. "And I'm going to go away again. I've got training with Giles in a half an hour." 

"Oh!" Willow wiggled across Xander and hurried into her bedroom. Xander groaned and buried his face in the carpet. 

"Put me out of my misery?" 

Buffy patted his leg. "But it was all worth it?" 

"Yeah." He closed his eyes remember the feel of her and the ease with which they'd fallen back into their old patterns. "Oh God, yeah." 

"And have you decided that this whole you and me charade is a bad idea?" Buffy asked. "You're just going to hurt her." 

Willow's heartfelt words for the night before weighing on his mind, Xander nodded. "I know. We'll cool it. I promise." Standing up, he grabbed his jacket. "And I'll explain it all to Wills so that she knows there's nothing between us." 

***

Willow closed her bedroom door and sank onto her bed. Her whole body was tingling from her full body contact with Xander. 

The worst thing was that she hadn't wanted to get up. She'd wanted to lie there with him all day. 

But instead, she'd run in here to change clothes for her date with Oz. Besides, she reminded herself, Xander was interested in Buffy. He only saw her as a friend. Tugging off the top of her outfit, she smoothed the satin across her hands. She didn't know why she'd changed before going out there. 

"Liar," she whispered to herself. She'd changed for a very specific reason. She just didn't want to admit it. Even - or maybe especially - to herself. 

***

Willow opened the door slowly, not wanting to interrupt anything, should Xander and Buffy be doing…anything she didn't really care to see. Xander was sitting on the arm of their couch and Buffy was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Buffy?"

"I guess she's getting ready for training." He didn't look at her, instead staring down at the jacket in his hands. "You going out with Oz?" 

"Full moon tonight, so we're spending the day together," she said softly. "Did you need a ride?" 

"Actually," he smiled. "That would be great. I have some things I wanted to talk to you about, if you have a little while?" 

She glanced at her watch. "I can talk as long as it takes to get to Giles'. I'm supposed to pick Oz up at Devon's in a half-hour. Is that enough time?" 

He nodded, even though she wasn't looking at him. Her short hair was falling forward into her face as she looked down and it hurt to know that, even though they'd just spent over an hour together just being together, she was already finished with him and on to Oz. 

She looked up quickly. "Xander? Is that okay? If not, we can talk tonight while I'm wolfsitting." 

"No, that should be plenty of time." He shrugged on his coat; his dark thoughts eliminated his need to use it to hide exactly how much their time together had affected him. "Ready?" 

Willow grabbed her purse and keys. "Yup. Bye Buffy!" 

"Bye guys!" 

Xander followed her out, his heart heavy. He'd hoped that this morning, combined with the talk he was going to have with her, was going to help change her mind about then, but something told him that his hopes weren't going to be realized. 

***

Willow pulled into Giles' driveway and threw the car into park. Turning slightly in her seat, she looked over at Xander. "I thought you wanted to talk?" 

"I do." 

"Well?" She asked softly. 

"I…I just wanted you to know…" He swallowed hard. He was a fool. An idiot. She didn't love him. Telling her anything about how he felt about her would only make it harder for them to be friends. He was in the same boat she'd been in their sophomore year and nothing was going to change that. "I was thinking about asking Buffy out." 

"I…" Willow's chest tightened. "I thought you guys were already going to the dance together." 

"We are. I meant…I mean that I was thinking about asking her out on a date and maybe, you know, on more than one. Maybe be a thing." 

"A thing?" 

"Yeah." 

"And you're telling me this, why?" 

He stared straight ahead, not wanting to see her eyes. Not wanting to see pain or, worse, disinterest. "You're my best friend, Wills. You're the person I tell everything to. I figured now that you're with Oz for good…I mean, there's not going to be any kind of fluking ever again between the two of us, so I figured maybe we could go back to the way we were. You know, me telling you everything. You telling me everything." 

"You want to know everything about my relationship with Oz?" She asked, her voice chilly. 

"I just…we used to confide in each other. We used to talk to each other. And I think that, as long as one of us is free, we're not going to be able to have that. There's always going to be something there between us. But, I mean, I like Buffy. A lot. So I thought that we could maybe be more than friends and then you and I wouldn't feel so weird around each other and we could go back to the way things were and it would all be good." He took a deep breath. "Don't you want to be friends like that again?" 

Biting her lower lip to stop it from trembling, Willow managed a nod. "Yeah. That'd be great." She bit the words out. "I think it's a great idea, Xander. Good luck with that." 

He didn't look at her as he opened the door. "Well, I'll let you go so that you can get back to Oz." 

"I've been back to Oz for a long time, Xander." 

He flinched at the harsh tone of her voice. "I know that Will." 

Her green eyes were practically black when they met his. "Then there's no cause for concern, is there?" 

***

Oz set his guitar down as he heard the squeal of tires. Moving out of Devon's garage, he watched as Willow pulled into the driveway, slamming on the brakes at the last minute. He approached the car in a mixture of curiosity and worry. Leaning in the open window, he looked around. "Everything okay?" 

"Fine." 

Opening her door, Oz stepped back then held out his hand to help her out. "Did you miss me?" 

"Of course." 

"Are you going to use monosyllables all day?" 

"Asks the man of few words?" She smiled, although it was sad. "Sorry." 

"Is everything okay? I mean, on the Hellmouth? Did I miss any big, bad evil?" 

"Not too much. Xander and Buffy have it all under control." 

The tone of her voice spoke volumes to Oz. "And that bothers you?" 

Willow shook her head. "No." 

"Wills, I know that you're really good at a lot of things, but lying isn't one of them." He led her over to the front steps of the house. "Tell me." 

"I think they're going out. Or going to go out. Or become a couple or something." She shrugged, trying to pretend the thought of it didn't bother her, even though she knew she was lying to herself. "And it kind of threw me for a loop. Not that I'm not happy for them, but I just didn't see it coming. I mean, I thought that Xander was over her. After…" 

"After he finally noticed you?" 

Oz's question was quiet and laced with danger. Willow looked at him, her eyes worried. "But he's over me too. Well, I guess just over me. Buffy's got his heart." 

"Or at least his hormones." Oz stood up and walked a short distance away. "I don't know what it is about him, but it drives me crazy sometimes." 

"What do you mean?" 

"He manages to hurt you no matter what he does, doesn't he?" He walked back and sat next to her. "I just wish…sometimes I wish that…" 

"What?" Willow watched him intently. Oz had always been quiet, but he'd never been at a loss for words. "Just say it." 

"I just think that, somehow, in the long run, you'd be happier if he wasn't around messing with your emotions all the time." Oz shrugged. "He manipulates you, Wills. He knows exactly what to say to hurt you or to make you happy. He knows every button to push. And he pushes them all the time." 

"You think he's doing this on purpose to hurt me?" 

"No Wills." He shook his head, knowing he was on dangerous ground. "I just hate that he can hurt you. Part of who I am, what I do, is want to protect you." 

"Even from my friends?" 

Oz pressed his lips together, knowing that this conversation was rapidly heading in directions he didn't want to go in. "Wills…" 

"Don't do that." 

"What?" 

"Talk to me like you're humoring me. Are you coming?" She stood up and walked toward her car. She didn't look at him as she got in. "I don't want to be humored." 

He nodded, getting to his feet and sliding in the passenger's side. "What do you want then, Willow?" 

She met his gaze, keeping hers steady. "I don't know." 

***

Stopping in front of Oz's house, Willow put the car in neutral. Oz watched her. "You're not coming in?" 

"I wasn't sure you'd want me to." 

He set the car in park and reached over to turn off the ignition. "Come in." 

Moving around the car, Willow relaxed against Oz as he slipped his arm around her. Maybe if she could lose herself in his arms, she could forget about the searing pain that seemed to shoot through her every time Xander's confession from this morning came to mind. 

Oz shut the door behind them, dropping his duffel bag on the ground. "Did you want something to drink?" 

She shook her head, leaning against the wall. She bit her lower lip, her eyes darting nervously around the room. "I'm fine." 

"Did you…" he stopped, unsure of why he was suddenly so uncertain. "I mean…" 

"Sure." She let him take her hand and followed him to his bedroom. It was very clean and neat; the only part of it that was messy was one corner where he liked to practice his guitar. She sat gently on the edge of the bed and started to take off her shirt. 

"Whoa." He reached out and put his hand on her arm. "What are you doing?" 

"I thought you wanted…oh God. I'm sorry. You don't. Oh…" 

"No. No, baby. I do. I just…I thought we could just be together for a while first." He knelt at her feet and ran his hands over her knees. "I don't want this to ever just be about sex for us, Willow." 

"O…Oz?" 

He stopped moving, looking up at her. Tears welled in her eyes, giving the green a magical, shimmering quality. His heart seemed to still in his chest. "Yes, Willow?" 

"I…" She lost the battle, her sob wracking her body as she slipped down into his arms. He wrapped himself around her, holding her and rocking her gently. 

"Ssh, sweetheart." 

"No!" She pulled away, her whole body shaking. "No. Please?" 

Realization dawned in Oz's eyes and he pulled back as well. Shaking his head in disbelief, he laughed bitterly. "I can't believe it…I just don't…I wasn't even gone a whole weekend, Willow and he's caught you again, hasn't he?" 

She sat on her knees, refusing to look up at him. Shaking her head again, she turned around and buried her face in the bedding. "I'm sorry," she mumbled through the layers of cloth. 

"Sorry." Oz nodded. "Of course you are." 

She turned her head, her eyes shining with guilt. "I don't want to feel this way. I just don't know how to stop. I don't know if I can stop." She started crying in earnest. "But it doesn't matter, he doesn't love me. He loves her, just like he always loves someone else." 

Oz smirked. "I wonder what that's like." He walked over to her and helped her stand up. "I think maybe you should go, Willow. And I think we should take a break from seeing each other. Sort out what you want…who you want." 

"And if nothing changes?" 

"I'm not going to be with you simply because you can't be with Xander, Willow. I won't do that to myself or you." He brushed her cheek. "And if nothing changes…we'll still be friends." 

"If I had any sense at all…" 

"Yeah, well, if you had any sense at all, you probably wouldn't be dating a werewolf either." He took her hand and walked her to the front door. "A werewolf who loves you very much." 

***

Hearing the key in the lock, Xander slammed the refrigerator door closed and ran into the living room. Leaping onto the sofa, he grabbed the nearest book and opened it quickly. 

Willow pushed open the door, shutting it as soon as she was inside. "You can go back to raiding Giles' refrigerator. I won't tell. Although how you expect to explain the disappearance of all his food without incriminating yourself, I don't know." 

"I thought I'd blame you." 

She nodded, used to that answer. "Like the time you at my mother's appetizers for that big client dinner and blamed it all on me? I think I got grounded and stuck in my room for a month that time." 

"Hey, Jesse and I came and visited." 

"Playing games outside my window wasn't exactly helpful, you know." She followed him into the kitchen and sat on the counter. "Taunting me with your fun." 

"I didn't want you to miss any of it." He admitted. "I felt really bad." 

"That's okay. I think my mom knew it was you all along. She just wanted to remind me that she was an authority figure." 

Xander grabbed a bowl off the shelf and lifted the lid. "Doesn't Giles have any real food?" 

"That you haven't eaten? No." 

"Hey!" Xander dipped his finger in the pudding he'd found and then lifted it to his mouth. "Mmm. Chocolate." Setting the bowl on the counter near her leg, he dipped his finger again. "Want some?" 

"No." 

He waggled his finger in front of her face. "C'mon. You know you do!" Moving his finger closer, he dabbed a bit on her lip. "You're giving in to the taste of the pudding." 

Willow's tongue darted out to taste the pudding and Xander froze, enraptured by the soft pinkness as it swiped across her lips. Swallowing hard, he pressed his finger to her mouth and painted the pink bow with pudding. 

Stepping forward, he slipped between her legs and stared into her eyes. "I'm going to do something very, very wrong here." 

"You are?" She whispered. 

He licked his lips, "Yeah." Moving his head slightly, he replaced his finger with his tongue, removing every bit of chocolate with soft, delicate licks. Swallowing, he blinked rapidly and met her eyes. "Aren't you going to say something right about now? Something about how you're dating Oz and I told you I was going to ask Buffy out and how we're best friends and that's all we're going to be and…" 

He stopped as Willow grabbed his face, tilting it up. "Xander?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Shut up and kiss me?" 

He nodded willingly, closing the short distance between them and melting into her arms and her kiss. His tongue parted the lips he'd traced, slipping into the warmth of her mouth. Her arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer as her legs entwined around his waist. 

He rested his hands lightly against her hips, pulling her closer so he could feel the heat of her body against his. Memories danced in his head, interwoven with fantasies and hopes and dreams that he'd allowed himself to harbor without much hope of fruition. 

Pulling away from the kiss, he struggled to catch his breath. "I can't do this, Wills." 

"Yeah you can. You were doing really well." 

"You're with Oz…" 

"Not anymore." She shook her head, unable to hide the small smile. "We're not a thing. He knows. And now I know too." 

"You're…" His smile trembled, almost as if it wasn't sure anything was real. He raised his hand and stroked the soft skin of her cheek. "I love you, Wills." 

She nodded. "I know that now too." 

He pulled her off the counter and tugged her into the living room. Turning on Giles' radio, he pulled her close to him. "You know, this all started because of that stupid dance next week." 

"Stupid? I hope you know you're taking me to it," she reminded him. 

"Well, I want to dance with you now." Turning the knobs, he hunted for a station. "What are we in the mood for? What says celebration? What kind of tune says my best friend and I finally got it right?" 

"Xander…" Willow took his hand and pulled him away from the radio and into her arms. "Any old music will do." She leaned against him and started swaying. 

"Okay, but Wills? This is talk radio." 

Shaking her head, Willow danced to the soft beat of his heart. "Not if you listen closely."


End file.
